Saturday, August 14, 2010

off the hooter

My baby child is officially weaned.

I have mixed feelings about it because it might have been the last little one that I will ever feed.
However, breastfeeding is hard work for my body and energy, and I need every ounce of that back again.
So, my little darling is weaned. That is it. My longest breastfed baby is now on his own. And without too much harumphing from himself either.
(phew! - because I think I would have easily been talked out of weaning with a little clever nudging and objecting.)

He also had his very first big boy haircut in Melbourne on Thursday.  He wiggled like a worm, but she managed to get the whispy bits that tangle up off and fix up his sideburns to not look like a little scragglemuffin.  Fortunately, he still looks like my baby - just a bit more tidy.

And so.. this begs a question...

Before I  had Monty - I had two little cherubs.  I felt calm, happy, in control, and could manage anything.

Upon having 3 ankle biters, I felt totally overcome, still very happy about adding his precious little soul to our lives, but everything still seems 3times harder, and terribly overwhelming. 

So.... does this mean, now that he is weaned, walking, etcetera etcetera... That those feelings of calm will return one day?

Can I really manage being a calm, happy mamma of three?
Will I be able to sew again?
Do my artwork again?
Get into Gardening again?
Do the simple things that enrich me?
Will I be able to tackle our new (very challenging) farmhouse and get it to be a happy place for my family?

Because, to be honest - those things have had a big handbrake put on them for quite some time. 

Don't get me wrong... I would much rather NOT do those things and have the sublime love and enormous heart that I have for and with my family.

But tell me - is there a light at the end of the tunnel? Is there sleep for me in the future? Is there a chance of having some energy to run on instead of running on empty 24/7?


Tanya said...

Hmm, I have two and they are 8 and nearly 10, would have loved a few more, but things don't always turn out how we want. I remember weaning Annie- it was kind of forced cause I had to have my tonsils out, tried to put her back on the breast when the anaesthetic had worn off, but she was over it! I think you should feel hopeful about energy and mental clarity etc coming back!

Jess said...

I wish I could answer that for you but I am at the start of the journey..with number two still in the oven.

From what I hear, it does get easier though. I Nanny for a family with 3 girls (7,5 and 3) and the Mum has said that now that number three has turned 3, she has really started to feel the difference.. she has been chronically tired for 6 years but now feels better - hope that helps!

Mandie said...

Congrats on a great nursing relationship!!!

Mom said...

Well...I weaned my last one (you) in 1978 and there are still many days when I am wiped out. There are also many days that I am frustrated that I can't do what I want. Same circus, different clowns. But always remember, good days and bad, Psalm 118:24 "This is the day that the LORD has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it." Every day is a gift. Love you.

Kate said...

Ha! I was just asking myself this very same question this afternoon as I realised i am never, ever not tired. I so don't have the energy I should have and I haven't for 10 years now. I've just made an appointment with my chinese herbalist to try and sort it all out. I'll let you know if I come upon a miracle energiser. X

Sarah said...

EVERY mum goes through these thoughts. Funny Life was really starting to settle down before we had our Little man and went back to baby time again. The two older were 9 and 10 at the time. We all go through phases where we feel exactly like you do. I found they were more often when the children were little and as they grow the phases became less apart and shorter. Having said that the demands and needs also change so different issues and pressures appear. You have done so much this year. WIth a move, trip overseas, new farm and expanding its services - ALL this with THREE YOUNG CHILDREN. I just say to myself just do you best and that is all you can do. Important you do make sure you do get the time out for yourself. Even if it just a walk to the chook pen on your own.

I found the egg collecting pictures interesting. Did not know how eggs were collected when there is so many.

I am sure you have heard this before - but ease the pressure you put on yourself. You are doing great.